04-04-14 Roadie gets ‘perp take down’ training
Joe Friday announced that it was time for Roadie
to learn how to take down a perp.
“Lucky has volunteered to be the perp, but she doesn’t know it yet.”
With that Friday led the charge up the stairs
with Roadie right behind him.
“The first thing you gotta know is where your perp likes to hang out.
In this case, Lucky likes to hide behind this black curtain.”
Roadie was baffled. “Whaddya mean BEHIND? I don’t see Lucky.”
Roadie is so young, she doesn’t get BEHIND.
Friday was trying to be patient,
but Lucky was on the move and he had to act fast.
“LOOK! The cat is right here… BEHIND the curtain!” Joe shouted.
Roadie just didn’t get it.
In a flash, Lucky bolted out the side of the curtain
and rocketed down the stairs.
Friday took a deep breath then said, “Roadie, this is really important.
You gotta learn what BEHIND is.
Watch me. I’m gonna go BEHIND the curtain. Now watch.”
Friday slipped behind the curtain and made large, deliberate movements to catch Roadie’s attention. Even with all the explanation, Roadie was puzzled.
But when Friday popped his head out, Roadie was so excited. She got it!
Being a good teacher, Friday knew it was time to give Roadie a reward.After a couple of minutes of grooming, Friday needed a break.
“Baby steps,” Friday kept mumbling “Baby steps.”
“Teaching these youngsters is a tough. Too bad I’m on a diet, I could use a snack right now.” Joe was talking more to himself than to me.He took a short break, walking in a wide circle.
Then he turned to Roadie and said, “Listen kid, we can’t stop now.
If we don’t complete this training, you’re not gonna get your pay bump.
So stick with me. I’ll walk you through this.”
After a brief review of ‘take down tactics’, Friday led Roadie down the stairs.
“Now just watch me, kid, and I’ll show you how it’s done.”
Sure enough, there was Lucky lurking under the chair.
Friday exploded onto Lucky with speed and grace
that seemed impossible given his size and shape.
“Get a firm grip on ‘em,” Friday instructed.
“Then you get ‘em off their feet,” he panted.
“Roll ‘em on their back.”
In one fluid motion, Joe put Lucky on her back.
“Now for this training, you hold ‘em down until she gives you the safe word
‘catnip’. Her job is to fight back, so you don’t give up.”
“Lucky’s got a bunch a tricks up her sleeve, you can’t trust her.”
Lucky held her ground for as long as she could,
but even with her Mossad training, she was no match for the legendary Joe Friday.
“Catnip!” she wheezed.
Friday let her go. Lucky was not harmed,
if you don’t count the dent in her pride.
She quickly hauled her rumpled fur upstairs.
“OK, Roadie,” Friday said, “it’s your turn.
Go up there and take down that perp! …you know I mean Lucky.”
Roadie bounded up the stairs, ready to show what she had learned.
When she got to the top, she looked around.
After a short bit, she barked, “I don’t see Lucky.”
Joe sighed, counted to ten, then said, “Look BEHIND the CURTAIN!”
“I’m getting too old for this job.
I need a snack.” Joe grumbled.